Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
