I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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