i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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