My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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