It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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