You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He shit in the fireplace
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
