her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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