took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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