Someone shit on the floor
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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