Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
