This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
