I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
