Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
