she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
