hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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