He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
