As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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