My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
