She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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