his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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