So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
