Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
