I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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