Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
