Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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