I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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