It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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