Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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