How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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