he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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