no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
