she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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