he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
