Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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