erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I could make wine with my vomit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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