im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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