these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
