We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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