my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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