A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
worst night to have a conscience
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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