Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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