YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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