the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
