ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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