When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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