the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
