bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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