Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
someone get that fucking seahorse.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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