just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
