i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
