i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
